Q: What kind of shoes do frogs wear?

A: Open Toad

Q: What do you call a fish with 2 knees?

A: 2knee fish

Q: What do you call an Italian man wearing sandals?

A: Philpe Felop

Q: What do you call a dog who also is a magician?

A: a Labracabrador.

A photon is going through airport security. The TSA agent asks if he has any luggage. The photon says, "No, I'm traveling light." (BaddaBoom)

A wife asks her husband, a programmer, “Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6?”

A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk and his wife asks, “Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?”

He replies, “They had eggs.”

1. "What do you call an iPhone that isn’t kidding around? Dead Siri-ous"
2. "What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop."
3. "Autocorrect has become my worst enema."
4. "I'm reading an antigravity book. It's impossible to put down!"
5. "What kind of cheese doesn't belong to you? Nacho cheese!"
6. "What concert only costs 45 cents? 50 Cent and Nickleback."
7. "Always remember — you're unique. Just like everyone else."
8. "What do you do if you see a spaceman? Park in it, man."
9. "What did the digital clock say to its mom? Look ma! No hands!"
Close up portrait of handsome young african american man laughing with cellphone by white background and looking away
10. "What do you call an alligator wearing a vest? In-vest-igator."
11. "Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water."
12. "I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect."
13. "Why can’t you trust an atom? Because they make up literally everything."
14. "How do fish get high? Seaweed."
15. "I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there."


A California Highway Patrol Officer pulled a car over on old 99 about 2 miles south of Red Bluff When the Officer asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver said he was a juggler and was on his way to do a show at the Old folks home on Walnut in Red Bluff. He didn't want to be late.

The Officer told the driver he was fascinated by juggling and said if the driver would do a little juggling for him then he wouldn't give him a ticket. He told the Officer he had sent his equipment ahead and didn't have anything to juggle. The Officer said he had some flares in the trunk and asked if he could juggle them.

The juggler said he could, so the Officer got 5 flares, lit them and handed them to him. While the man was juggling, a car pulled in behind the patrol car. A drunken good old boy traveling from Corning got out, watched the performance, then went over to the patrol car, opened the rear door and got in.

The Officer observed him and went over to the patrol car, opened the door asking the drunk what he thought he was doing. The drunk replied, “You might as well take my ass to jail, cause there ain't no way in hell I can pass that test.”