Short One-Liners

• To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my Word!
• I’ll call you later. Don’t call me later, call me Dad!
• How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans.
• What’s Forrest Gump’s Facebook password? 1forest1.
• What do you call it when Batman skips church? Christian Bale.
• What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y.
• Did you hear about the man who fell into an upholstery machine? He’s fully recovered.
• Why didn’t the melons get married? Because they cantaloupe.
• What kind of egg did the evil chicken lay? A deviled egg.
• Why did the coach go to the bank? To get his quarter back.
• Why does Snoop Dogg always carry an umbrella? Fo’ Drizzle.
• What did the fisherman say to the magician? Pick a cod, any cod.
• What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
• Which is faster, hot or cold? Hot, because you can catch a cold.
• How do you organize a space party? You planet.
• Did you know that milk is the fastest liquid on earth? It’s pasteurized before you even see it.
• Why are skeletons so calm? Because nothing gets under their skin.
• What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved.
• What does a baby computer call his father? Data.
• Did you hear about the power outlet who got into a fight with a power cord? He thought he could socket to him.
• Why are elevator jokes so good? They work on so many levels.
• Why can’t a leopard hide? Because he’s always spotted.
• How do moths swim? Using the butterfly stroke.
• How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? 10 tickles.
• Do you know the story about the chicken that crossed the border? Me neither, I couldn’t follow it.
• I made a pencil with two erasers. It was pointless.
• How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put a little boogie in it!
• What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk!
• What do you call an illegally parked frog? Toad.
• Where do baby cats learn to swim? The kitty pool.
• Why are spiders so smart? They can find everything on the web.
• How can a leopard change his spots? By moving.
• WATCH: Perfect Instagram Captions for Father's Day

Cheesy Puns

• It's inappropriate to make a 'dad joke' if you're not a dad. It's a faux pa.
• Did you hear about the circus fire? It was in tents.
• Can February March? No, but April May!
• How can you tell it’s a dogwood tree? From the bark.
• How do lawyers say goodbye? We'll be suing ya!
• Wanna hear a joke about paper? Never mind—it's tearable.
• What's the best way to watch a fly fishing tournament? Live stream.
• I could tell a joke about pizza, but it's a little cheesy.
• Don't trust atoms. They make up everything!
• When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent.
• I wouldn't buy anything with velcro. It's a total rip-off.
• What’s an astronaut’s favorite part of a computer? The space bar.
• I like telling Dad jokes. Sometimes he laughs!