- To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my Word!
- I’ll call you later. Don’t call me later, call me Dad!
- How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans.
- What’s Forrest Gump’s Facebook password? 1forest1.
- What do you call it when Batman skips church? Christian Bale.
- What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y.
- Did you hear about the man who fell into an upholstery machine? He’s fully recovered.
- Why didn’t the melons get married? Because they cantaloupe.
- What kind of egg did the evil chicken lay? A deviled egg.
- Why did the coach go to the bank? To get his quarter back.
- Why does Snoop Dogg always carry an umbrella? Fo’ Drizzle.
- What did the fisherman say to the magician? Pick a cod, any cod.
- What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
- Which is faster, hot or cold? Hot, because you can catch a cold.
- How do you organize a space party? You planet.
- Did you know that milk is the fastest liquid on earth? It’s pasteurized before you even see it.
- Why are skeletons so calm? Because nothing gets under their skin.
- What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved.
- What does a baby computer call his father? Data.
- Did you hear about the power outlet who got into a fight with a power cord? He thought he could socket to him.
- Why are elevator jokes so good? They work on so many levels.
- Why can’t a leopard hide? Because he’s always spotted.
- How do moths swim? Using the butterfly stroke.
- How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? 10 tickles.
- Do you know the story about the chicken that crossed the border? Me neither, I couldn’t follow it.
- I made a pencil with two erasers. It was pointless.
- How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put a little boogie in it!
- What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk!
- What do you call an illegally parked frog? Toad.
- Where do baby cats learn to swim? The kitty pool.
- Why are spiders so smart? They can find everything on the web.
- How can a leopard change his spots? By moving.
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- It's inappropriate to make a 'dad joke' if you're not a dad. It's a faux pa.
- Did you hear about the circus fire? It was in tents.
- Can February March? No, but April May!
- How can you tell it’s a dogwood tree? From the bark.
- How do lawyers say goodbye? We'll be suing ya!
- Wanna hear a joke about paper? Never mind—it's tearable.
- What's the best way to watch a fly fishing tournament? Live stream.
- I could tell a joke about pizza, but it's a little cheesy.
- Don't trust atoms. They make up everything!
- When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent.
- I wouldn't buy anything with velcro. It's a total rip-off.
- What’s an astronaut’s favorite part of a computer? The space bar.
- I like telling Dad jokes. Sometimes he laughs!
Q: What do you call a fish with two knees?
A: You call it a two-knee fish.
Q: What kind of shoes do frogs wear?
A: Open Toad
Q: What do you call a hippy's wife?
Q: How does a Japanese Chihuahua say hello?
Q: What do you call a dog who does magic tricks?
A: A Labracadabrador